October 17, 2004
Are You a Cool Hunter?
By Nicole Blades
Cool hunters: (n) kül h&n-t&r sharp, savvy women searching for cool-ass brothers.
I am a cool hunter.
No, this is not about the sly marketing scheme used to pimp young minds to track down the next Big Thing. I am a cool hunter of a different nature.
Simple. Not “Exactamundo” cool or too cool for school. Just regular, confidant, thoughtful, inspired, witty, down-home dudes. The “my honey and my homey” type. Those of you who are looking for it need no further explanation.
Instead, the fake, the frontin’, the foolish, and the full-of-himself dud (not a typo)has entered the scene, making me wonder if the last cool cat I’ll ever meet was my college boyfriend, Michael, or if my life is a sitcom.
Take, for example, this one dud, a day player we’ll call Slim Jim from Brooklyn.
The 30-second bio: A decent-looking brother working at a nice gym in the neighborhood. He’s got a prognathic jaw with a semi-severe underbite and a P. Diddy jaw (Oh, you know what I’m talking about… looks like he’s got 38 teeth in a 30-tooth mouth.) but has the balls to say that he only dates women with “bright smiles and no crooked teeth.” Has an Usher-fantasy, meaning he wears expensive, name-dropper sunglasses all day and night and is only concerned about his clothes, shoes and physique.
Actual phone conversation:
Slim Jim: (muffled chewing)
Blades: Hey, what are ya eating?
SJ: Oh, (chomp, chomp) I’m being bad. (Chomp, slurp) I’m eating chocolate sent to me from a friend in Paris and ice cream… but I didn’t do abs yesterday or today and I have to wear a see-thru shirt to this boat ride on Saturday.
B:
SJ: Hello?
B: Are you kiddin’ me?
SJ: No. Why? What?
B: Um, you just said that you are wearing… uh, nevermind. But, I should let you let you get back to… I should go. Later!
(Hangs up phone and rolls around on bed laughing hysterically.)
FADE OUT
Was it the special Parisian chocolates shout-out? Was the see-thru shirt? Um, does it matter? The fact is Slim Jim bought his jet plane ticket from Potential City to Thank Goodness For Caller I.D. Island the moment his overgrown chompers clanked against my teeth during a kissing.
Eww. Not hot.
Sure, beyond the teeth and the heightened metrosexual vibe and the inappropriate “sexy” talk via email that just left a girl feeling utterly grossed out (I mean, rendered silent grossed… no cutting comebacks or scathing quips. Just a wrinkled brow, a mouth slightly ajar and stone-cold silence.), Slim Jim’s played the role and provided some genius comedy.
But there’s gotta be more out there. I believe there’s something more, something better, something cool.
If my life is a sitcom, filled with brilliant writing, sweeping story arcs, funny fillers, recurring characters, types, background and bit players, my co-star and leading man is waiting in the wings. Waiting for his cue to enter stage left and hit his mark. Right?
Posted at October 17, 2004 11:48 PM
Comments
Hang in there sister, we are out there looking for sisters like you. I am a cool older brother(43). And I just gotta say 'keep looking we're out there.' And I'm glad you know the difference, some don't.
Posted by: naturalart at November 4, 2004 02:53 PM